College Wasn't The Best Four Years of My Life

It was probably the worst, and I'm ok with that.

Have you ever heard someone say “if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer”? Well, when I would ask myself if I was happy at the University of St Andrews, I already knew the answer — it was a pretty obvious no.

I grew up on Long Island, spent summers age seven to fifteen at sleep-away camp, and attended boarding school in New England; conversations about who was accepted to Cornell and Michigan and whispers about clandestine family donations to Ivy League universities were all around me, all the time. I’m extremely privileged to have grown up in these circles of people that place huge importance on the college admissions process, and as a result, I did too.

I moved through high school with a mission of getting into a great college. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, but I was checking all the boxes to ensure I would have a handful of desirable options: straight As, editor for the school newspaper, president of community service, dorm RA. I had no idea who I was but I knew I wanted to be a corporate lawyer, and ultimately decided that the University of St Andrews was the best fit. If I was going to be (voluntarily) chained to a desk for the entirety of my career, I figured I should take the opportunity to travel and see the world first.

I don’t think my decision to go to St Andrews came as a surprise to anyone in my life — I have always been eager to travel, interested in art and fashion, and chasing the next big thing. When I pictured my life at university, I imagined I’d have my Eat, Pray, Love moment, rife with new experiences and soul searching. If there was anything to “get out of my system”, I’d wholly empty it, and return to the states ready to tackle law school and climb the corporate ladder.

Looking back, I kind of did have the experience I set out to have. I danced with friends in Malta, attended and served on the committee of fashion shows, went to jazz bars in Copenhagen, and learned about myself through copious amounts of reflection and journaling. My experience at St Andrews had some incredibly high highs, but what I didn’t expect it to have was even more low lows; some weeks I was traveling throughout Portugal, and others I was so lonely and directionless, I couldn’t get out of bed. How can an experience have brought me so much light and darkness? My time at St Andrews is one that is difficult to reconcile, but one that I am grateful for nonetheless.

Since starting Dressed for The Law, I’ve received many DMs from college applicants, asking about my experience at St Andrews. I always answer honestly, saying that I did not love it but that I am not a good person to ask. Almost everyone that goes to St Andrews loves it (like, really really loves it), and the ones who don’t usually transfer. I’m just one of the few that stuck it out.

This is not a fun post to write, but I think it’s important to share the perspective of disliking college. We don’t hear it enough!

I’ve given a lot of thought to why I didn’t have the best university experience, and I think it comes down to three main reasons. Sprinkled in with personal anecdotes — some hilarious, some less so — I hope you enjoy this insight and, if you’re in the boat of not loving college yourself, I hope it makes you feel less alone.